Hello, my name is John Russo. I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is no, I’m not the guy who wrote Night of the Living Dead, nor am I the guy running for Orange City Council. Alas, I’m merely John Russo the Humorist, which means I write the campaign speeches for presidential candidates.
I’m kidding. I write funny fiction. I write stories that are supposed to be funny, but rarely actually are. Well okay, some have told me that my writing made them laugh, so I guess I do hit the mark every now and then.
The next question you probably have is, where’d this guy come from? Answer: the mountains. Colorado, to be exact – that crazy state usually colored green on the map. It spit me out like the ocean spits out a whale and said, “Good luck.”
Both my parents were storytellers. My mother wrote hers down and turned them into books (the “Eric and Wrinkles” series for children); my dad told his verbally to me at night, using a stuffed dog to portray the main character. Considering how saturated my formative years were with stories, it’s no surprise I decided to write one of my own when I was four years old. It was about a werewolf with the ability to shoot lightning out of its paws. (Yes, I have always been a nut job. Next question.)
Anyways, I continued writing about werewolves and mutated monsters and giant prehistoric sharks throughout my youth. At one point, I even picked up a video camera and made some scary movies as well. (What made them scary wasn’t their monsters so much as their low quality, but I digress). As a result of discovering the medium of film, I slacked off on fiction and ventured into the world of screenwriting. I’m still hopelessly lost in that world, but have found my way back to fiction in recent years.
When I was sixteen or thereabouts, I realized I didn’t like writing about monsters anymore – instead, I found chronicling the absurdities of life much more exciting. Humor, in other words. So I decided I’d try out funny fiction. My family was thrilled, to say the least.
My first stab at a humor was a little piece called “The Race,” a tale about two guys who shoot down an Amazon delivery drone. I self-published it, and it has since received much praise from readers, for which I am truly grateful and humbled. I would like to stop for a moment and thank everyone who’s taken the time to read it. Seriously, thank you.
Now, all aspiring comedians/humorists have one thing in common: they’re all desperately trying to avoid college. I however, while a true-born humorist, also love a challenge, so I am now pursuing a bachelor’s in—you guessed it—liberal arts. As mentioned above, I reside in the mountains of Colorado, where you’ll find me surrounded by cats and dogs, either writing or praying for the Rockies to stop embarrassing us and win a World Series.
I’m currently working on my first funny novel. It’s about halfway done (or at least the first draft is), so hopefully I can finish it by year’s end. In the meantime, please do check out “The Race.” I hope you enjoy it.
Oh, and one more thing . . . don’t eat the yellow snow.
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Title: The Race
Author: John Russo
Genre: Humor
Book Blurb:
The future. What does it hold?Sadly, no one knows. Well . . . except for Amazon delivery drones, of course.Imagine a world where your Amazon package reaches you within minutes, instead of days. A world where technology has outsmarted the mailman for the last time.This is the world in which Johnny and Robert Hesston find themselves.The problem is, they're old school. A bit TOO old school. Equip them with the right primitive tools, and things might get out of hand. . .
Excerpt:
In those days, it wasn’t uncommon to see an Amazon drone in the sky. Ever since that warehouse mysteriously appeared in the community, dozens of the airborne parcel carriers had been buzzing to and fro every day.
Why Amazon chose Farliment, Louisiana to test their drone operation was anyone’s guess. Less than half of the population owned a laptop, and only a select few knew what a cell phone was. The village itself was largely comprised of farms and dairies. All Main Street had to offer was a tiny grocery store, a café and a laundromat. Passing through it, one would never believe drones were active in such a place—and yet the blasted things were always on the go, ferrying packages of all sizes to someone’s front lawn.
The majority of Farliment’s citizens—all of whom were well over sixty-five, most of whom were either farmers or ranchers—didn’t care. They just shook their heads, despondent that technology had prevailed over tradition once again. A few rejoiced in the fact that they could finally prove they had seen a UFO. Others had yet to catch sight of a drone, and thus deemed the whole thing a rumor.
Johnny Hesston was in the first group. He would watch drones zip by and shake his head. By the time noon rolled around on the day of the incident, he had done so several times.
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Author Biography:
John Russo is an up-and-coming author who recently published his first short story and is currently writing a novel. When asked what exactly it is he writes, he always responds, “funny fiction.”
His goal is to one day provide readers all over the world with laugh-out-loud literary satire that is wholesome enough for everyone to enjoy.
Note: This is NOT the same John Russo who wrote Night of the Living Dead.
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