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Title Surviving Our Parents’ Mistakes, Second Edition
Author Larry Godwin
Genre Self-help
Book Blurb
Did your parents abuse you as a child?
This book concerns recovery from emotional child abuse. In it, I narrate a number of childhood memories from journals I’ve kept for decades, in which I’ve written my thoughts and feelings. Here I explain how early experiences negatively influenced my adult self-worth and caused difficulty dealing with issues such as anger, depression, obligation, and control. Then I go on to tell what I’ve done, with the support of my wife, the inadvertent assistance of our child, and the help of several excellent therapists, to heal old injuries and forgive my parents.
My writing reflects the progression of my thinking as I stopped blaming my parents for mistreating me and started taking responsibility for my predicament and recovery. I mention some of the stumbling blocks and setbacks I encountered along the way, and finish each chapter with insights that have soothed and enriched my present life, bringing peace and vitality.
In these pages, I relate what has worked for me and suggest strategies that will help other abuse victims.
Excerpt:
Introduction
This book concerns recovery from emotional child abuse.
For decades I denied I was abused. I wasn’t physically beaten or raped. I have no scars on my face or chest to remind me I was mistreated. I was never hospitalized. So I discounted the importance of what happened to me, thinking others had suffered much worse. I insisted I didn’t need help.
Eventually, I realized my parents neglected me emotionally. My father left my mother and me and had practically no contact with us while I was growing up, although he lived 45 miles away. My mother constantly belittled me, and never hugged me, held my hand, or told me she loved me. She took no interest in my activities and forced me to assume a man’s responsibilities. She threatened to leave me as my father had if I wasn’t “a good boy.”
All my scars dwell on the inside where they can’t be seen. They’ve been responsible for a low-grade depression that has haunted me most of my adult life.
In this book, I narrate a number of childhood memories from journals I’ve kept for decades, in which I’ve written my thoughts and feelings. Here I explain how early experiences negatively influenced my adult self-worth and caused difficulty dealing with issues such as obligation and control. Then I go on to tell what I’ve done, with the support of my wife, Cathy; the inadvertent assistance of our child, Jenny; and the assistance of several excellent therapists, to heal old injuries.
My writing reflects the progression of my thinking as I stopped blaming my parents for mistreating me and started taking responsibility for my predicament and recovery. I mention some of the stumbling blocks and setbacks I encountered along the way, and finish each chapter with insights that have soothed and enriched my present life, bringing peace and vitality.
I’ve written this book for two reasons: to clarify my thinking on issues dating back to childhood, and to share with other abuse victims what I have learned.
Not all the conditions I describe from my youth characterize every injurious parent/child relationship. In virtually every dysfunctional environment, one or both parents do meet some of the daughter’s or son’s emotional needs at least some of the time. We find discrete periods, like camera snapshots, most of us would call normal. But we realize our childhoods could have been more positive, marked by more understanding and affection.
As adult women and men, regardless of our personal backgrounds, chances are we all deal with many of the same problems if a parent neglected us. We may wrestle on a daily basis with insecurity, low self-esteem, depression, anger, guilt, and lack of control that originated in our early years. If your abuse was physical, you probably carry with you today psychological bruises, as well, that have created some of these disabilities. What happened to you as a child may still exert a powerful influence on your current emotional health and the tenor of your contemporary relationships.
Therapist Charles Whitfield estimated 80 to 90 percent of all people did not receive, as children, the love, guidance, and other nurturing necessary to form healthy relationships, and to feel good about themselves. Now that we’re adults, how do those of us in this vast category contend with the consequences of our parents’ mistakes and improve the quality of our lives?
In these pages, I relate what has worked for me and suggest strategies that may help other abuse victims.
You need not read each chapter in order. Each topic stands alone.
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Author Biography:
I have struggled with depression and the aftereffects of child abuse most of my adult life. I wrote two books to assist others who face these issues.
My first book is TRANSCENDING DEPRESSION. The motivation for presenting my history is to encourage others who grapple with either chronic depression or occasional bouts. I hope my journey resonates with some, validates feelings, and sparks the thoughts “I'm not alone” and “I will feel better.” This book can also help family members and friends of the mentally ill, and their caregivers, find compassion and enable them to understand the struggle. My goal is to save lives.
My second book, SURVIVING OUR PARENTS' MISTAKES, concerns recovery from emotional child abuse. My writing reflects the progression of my thinking as I stopped blaming my parents for mistreating me and started taking responsibility for my predicament and recovery. I mention stumbling blocks I encountered along the way, and finish each chapter with insights that have soothed and enriched my present life, bringing peace and vitality. I suggest strategies that will help other abuse victims.
My articles about depression have appeared on the websites of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and the Canadian Mental Heath Association. I live with my wife, Cathy, in Missoula, Montana.
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